Everyone is striving for something that is literally impossible so go easy on yourself.
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Our most recent meet up of The Nook had Ramina Khusnutdinova (Master in Educational Psychology and Clinical Counsellor) sharing the latest research on brain development, how a child's brain is wired, and how it matures.
In order to know what is happening when your child is reacting in a strongly emotional way we have to understand how the different parts of their brain work.
The brain stem controls bodily functions like heartbeat and breathing. It develops in utero.
The amygdala is responsible for our emotions and attachment. It works together with our brain stem to engage our "fight, flight or freeze" response. It is developed at birth.
The hippocampus plays a major role in memory and learning. It helps transfer learning from short term to long term memory and also plays a role in processing emotions, so can help us remember past experiences and the emotions tied to them. The hippocampus continues to develop until around age 2.5.
The pre-frontal cortex is responsible for our higher brain functions, such as reasoning, problem solving, comprehension, creativity and impulse control. It is not fully developed until age 25.
Dr. Dan Siegel, psychologist, researcher and author of The Whole Brain Child developed the hand model of the brain, illustrated below, to explain what happens when the child experiences an event that triggers their "fight, flight or freeze" response. On the right is the pre-frontal cortex engaged with the limbic system, hippocampus and brain stem in a cohesive way when the brain is not stressed. On the left is a brain under stress. The pre-frontal cortex is disengaged, the child has "flipped their lid" and can no longer respond in a reasoned manner.
What most parents have learned is that being asked to clean up their toys can trigger the same amygdala response in a child as being attacked by a bear!
So, what can we do?... As adults it is up to us to engage OUR prefrontal cortex during these periods of dysregulation and reconnect with our child to help them regulate themselves and re-engage their prefrontal cortex.
With younger children we can use a simplified animal model to help them learn how their brain works in a playful way. For example: an ape represents the brain stem (it takes care of breathing, heartbeat, running); an elephant represents the hippocampus (it is good at remembering and learning); a guard dog represents the amygdala (our emotions - it is there to protect us); a wise old owl represents the prefrontal cortex (how to be in control of your emotions, how to make good decisions).
When the guard dog is there and it's barking because of some sort of stress, the elephant and the owl disappear, so not only can the child not be in control of their emotions, but they can't learn anything new. (This is why we need to teach and talk about these ideas in a calm moment, not for the first time during a moment of stress). What we need to do is calm the guard dog. Ask your child what they need to do to calm down their guard dog. It might be a hug from a parent, a song, a hug with a stuffy. When the guard dog stops barking the elephant and the owl come back. It may be helpful to use pictures or toy animals to help illustrate this idea to your child.
You can model this idea with your own language. For example, "My guard dog is really barking right now! I am going to sit down and have a drink of water to help it calm down." When you are feeling upset you can model how you regulate your own emotions with your words and behaviour.
How can we nurture the brain from age 0-3 years?
Primarily, lots of movement, especially outside. A great practice is to start the habit of morning exercise.
Children in this stage of development need plenty of opportunities to explore the world both visually and in a tactile way. When they dump a container of rice out on the floor they are not trying to annoy you they are exploring their world. Be creative with how you can provide situations that allow them to discover their world. Sensory bins can be a container filled with dried lentils and plastic animals to discover while sifting through or a basket filled with different textured scarves and ribbons.
Ages 3-5?
At this age they will start to ask lots of questions. They are beginning to develop a sense of logic. Nourish this type of curiosity about the world. When you don't know the answer to their questions offer to find out together. This will help them feel that their question matters, which will lead to them being willing to continue to ask questions and not feel inadequate when they don't have all the answers. If you want to avoid looking things up on your phone and increasing screen time for your child, offer to take your child to the library at a later time to find out. Showing an interest in what your child is interested in will also be a great bonding experience for the two of you!
By understanding how our brains work, you as the parent can step in and help an emotionally dysregulated child calm down by remaining calm and in control of your own emotions. Model regulating strategies by taking a moment to calm yourself first when necessary and explain to your child what you are doing. Emotional regulation develops with practice, but remember that prefrontal cortex takes a looong time to fully develop!
Contributed by Shauna Farrell
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Last week at The Nook we hosted Brianna Fong, Pediatric Physiotherapist from Kids Physio Group, speaking on baby motor skill development and milestones.
Brianna started her talk with the most common reasons to see a pediatric physiotherapist:
Motor Milestone checkups - if your little one seems to be stuck on a motor skill we can check on those "mini skills" that help them get to the next milestone
Torticollis/Plagiocephaly - more common with young infants, a preference to turn their heads to one side especially during sleep that can cause flattening to one side of the head
Clicking in Hip - noticing when changing diaper or dressing a click or clunk in the hip, which may be a sign of hip dysplasia
In this day of social media there is a lot of information out there and like all parenting issues it can be contradictory. A physiotherapist will be trained and up to date on the latest research, so will be able to advise on why there may be differing information and make a recommendation relevant to your specific situation.
Tummy Time: especially before babies are doing much upright sitting, at 4-5(ish) months, tummy time is the main way they start developing strength and head control to preset sitting skills. Sometimes it can be tricky to get started; they might lift their heads a little and give up or go to sleep on their tummy. Some things that will help are giving them a little bit of a prop like a rolled towel underneath them or lots of chest to chest time. Anything that gets them on a little bit of an incline can help them hold their heads up a little bit longer. The general recommendation by the time babies are about 4 months old is 30 minutes cumulatively throughout the day (lifting up their heads, trying to look around, reaching for a toy).
Often parents will say their baby will immediately start screaming or have reflux and that is something that physiotherapists can work with, helping take some pressure off baby's belly so they can still have tummy time in a more comfortable and individualized way.
Baby Wearing/Carriers: Time on the floor is optimal, but of course there are times when you need to be wearing your baby or having them safely contained in a positional device. We need to make sure we are offsetting that time with floor play to give them opportunities to move around on their own.
With a carrier we want to make sure their legs are in an "M" shape with their bum at the bottom, their knees up and feet outward. That way we ensure their hips are in the best position in the hip socket to avoid the risk of dislocation or shifting of their hips. At this age babies' hips aren't completely developed enough to fully hold themselves into the socket yet, but most carriers can be easily modified to hold them in an optimal position. Wraps are very easy to adapt to your growing baby because they are flexible and can be wrapped different ways.
Side-Lying Play/Rolling: a nice adjunct to bridge between tummy time and sitting up on their own. At around the 3-4 month point, especially when they're not quite rolling, we're focused on getting their midline movements strong, so bringing their hands forward to play with a toy or even when they're lying on their back bringing their hands together to grasp a toy is building the strength they need in their trunk and core to do those rolling and sitting skills later on. If you're noticing that baby has a little bit of flattening on one side of their head, side-lying can take the pressure off that side. We want little ones to be successful so we always start by giving them a little bit of help. To start them rolling to their tummy you can put them on their sides and then put a toy on a diagonal upwards from them to encourage them to reach towards it and come over. You can help turn at the hips and they can finish the roll, then help them bring their head up. To help roll back over, bring one arm in front and forward, then get their head down onto the ground and use visual tracking of a toy to get them to finish that roll. Rolling to their back with their head up can be a bit scary, so teaching them to bring their head down supported on the ground will help them be willing to do it. In Brianna's experience, most babies will roll from back to tummy first. They see something they want and will find a way to move towards it.
Sitting/Transitional Sitting: Once babies are sitting upright we'll see them come down forward or lose their balance side to side and put a hand out to catch themselves. It's not until about 9-10 months that they will catch themselves when tipping backwards. Sitting allows babies to get some independence playing with things, but they often need some help getting in and out of sitting. Side sitting will get them comfortable with moving into to hands and knees position later for crawling. Use a toy that they find interesting to keep their attention and position them on their side, weight bearing on one arm with their knees bent to one side. To come out of that position you can help them come over onto their tummy. Make sure you place them on both sides to build the muscles equally. From a side sit it is much easier to get to hands and knees by coming slightly forward than it is to come forward from a regular sitting position with both legs in front. Side-sitting is different from a "W" sit where their knees are forward and feet are back and to the sides. If you notice your little one sitting in that position try to bring them out of it to a side-sit or regular sitting position.
Crawling: Once they are sitting securely on their own and comfortable getting in and out of sitting their trunk strength is strong enough for them to move towards crawling. You can give a little bit of help positioning from a side-sitting position onto hands and knees. Offer a toy in front of them on one side and then the other so they can practice transferring weight from one hand to the other. A less slippery surface and bare skin will give them more friction to make crawling easier when they're first getting started. Exploration time unrestricted by clothing and in a safe space where they can move will encourage exploration, which is vital at this age.
Standing: Once they are crawling on hands and knees, the next skill we're looking forward to is pulling up to standing. Offering a surface like the edge of your couch or even you sitting on the floor with them will allow them to push up to high kneeling and then to a standing position. Encourage them to use both sides so their bodies develop equally on both sides. If they are not crawling yet, they are not physically developed enough to be standing and so we should not be pulling them into a standing position too early. When they are showing that they are ready and are starting to push up to standing from crawling or sitting on their own, you can support them at the hips rather than pulling them up by their hands. This way their balance does not shift suddenly and your hands are in control of their hips so they can't let go of your hands and fall.
For the same reasons, from a physiotherapist's perspective, jolly jumpers and similar play frames are not recommended as babies are often in them before they have the core/trunk strength to support themselves and are only strengthening their legs. They can also often lead to toe walking later on. If there are times that young babies need to be in a play frame keep it to 10 minutes or less cumulatively over the day.
*These are general guidelines and recommendations and don't take into account whether your infant was born early or late or tends to be a little bit fussy and need more cuddle or contact time. When physiotherapy is recommended for little ones it will usually be play-based, often by positioning toys in ways that encourage babies to get into the positions we want them to practice. If you feel that you have specific questions or concerns you can make an appointment with a pediatric physiotherapist to address them.
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On Wednesday at The Nook we were treated to an informal talk by Rachel Ramsden of the Play Outside UBC Lab (formerly Brussoni Lab). She will be joining us again on Feb. 16th for a more in depth workshop on Supporting Outdoor and Risky Play in Young Children.
As part of her discussion, Rachel outlined the 8 types of risky play that children might engage in:
Research is clear on the importance of regular and repeated access to outdoor risky play. Despite the known benefits of outdoor play, children in North America are spending less time outdoors. In addition, children’s play experiences have become more monitored and controlled. This session will help you build the case about the need for outdoor risky play in your experiences with children, whether as an educator, parent, or family member. Learn the key concepts that support outdoor risky play and how you can begin to incorporate these into your outdoor experiences with children. This workshop will highlight examples from the field, outline how to identify a hazard from a risk, and showcase recent research from the Play Outside UBC Lab. This session will also make available the resources and tools to help you get started in your role supporting young children’s participation in outdoor risky play.
Check out our Events page for more details
@playoutsideubc
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